Skills to Rely on When your Best Communication Efforts Fail

Communicating what you want to say in the most appropriate way is an art form.  I’ve also learned, through lots of good and not so good experiences, that it’s a continual journey of discovery.

No two situations are identical, no two people are the same and it’s very easy for us to get stuck in a mode of doing what we have always done because it’s easy.

Is it any wonder that things go wrong? People misinterpret what we say and this can lead to the wrong actions being taken and the person or people on the receiving end being offended, confused or filling in the gaps in some way.

So what can you do to put things back on track?

Take 100% Responsibility

The very first thing you can do is take 100% responsibility for your communication. It may well be that the person misinterpreted what you were saying and the question still remains - how could you have made your message clearer?

In my last blog I mentioned intention vs. impact. Did the impact (result) of your communication match what you intended? If not, then it really is your responsibility to ‘put things right’. Only you know what you are trying to say and the result you were hoping to achieve.

Start by asking your self these questions:

1. What aspect of what I was communicating was misunderstood?
2. Was it the content I miss-communicated or was it the way I communicated it? Consider here both the method you used and the tone with which it was delivered.
3. Did I consider the person on the receiving end? Their level of knowledge, experience, style and way of working.

Having asked these questions one of two things are likely to result:

• You re-communicate admitting you mistakes or new insights, or
• You apologise

Whichever is required ensure you give some considered thought in what you say. Here are a few tips to help you on your way.

Effective apology

An effective apology needs to be sincere and specific, so be clear about what you are apologising for as generic apologies can come across as insincere. This is not about you ‘taking the blame’ it is simply acknowledging the impact of what you have or haven’t communicated. It’s not about excuses either!!

Re-Communicate

        

Take a moment and revisit the situation so that you can clarify exactly what you meant to say.  When our emotions get in the way, they can create obstacles to understanding and get us off the message we are really trying to convey.

Revisit the situation with your colleague or colleagues to clarify your message.

If you know the way you communicated is the cause of the breakdown offer a solution while acknowledging your development point. A development point is a personal challenge that you may be working to manage or overcome, which admittedly may have only been brought to your attention through this incident.  For instance, if you have a tendency to get impatient when you are nearing a deadline, you may be working on finding ways to keep a proper perspective so that you don’t create an uncomfortable environment for yourself and others.  Your impatience is your development point, and you must acknowledge it when you are looking to ‘build bridges’.

"Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love." 

Miguel Angel Ruiz