The 4 C’s of Courageous Conversations

I first came across the term courageous conversation some years ago when I first heard David Whyte speak. At the time I was struck by what this meant and it forced me to think about where I had had a courageous conversation, if at all!

I realised I had and more importantly I recognised that there was one I was avoiding, and that was a conversation with myself.

My invitation to you, today, is to consider the same question. With whom do you need to have a courageous conversation?

Where are things not proceeding the way you want them to go? Where do you need to step in and stop the conversation that you are having now – even though you don’t know where to go next?

In considering this it could be with someone at work, someone at home, someone in your community, if you are running a business it may be a conversation with your business, or it could be a conversation with yourself.

It’s not your every day conversation

• It’s a conversation that you have to be really present for.
• It’s a conversation where you have to speak candidly, without any defensiveness.
• It’s a conversation where you face reality.

The fact that it’s called courageous implies that there is an element of danger either for you, or the person or people you will be talking to.

And … as we are all unique human beings, danger can mean many things to many people ranging from; giving someone some feedback that you know they are not going to like hearing; to loosing your job; and ultimately through to life or death scenarios (although this is rare in many organisations today).

To help you prepare for this conversation here are the 4 C’s to consider:

Courage: You have to be brave and stand up and make it happen.  Face reality, challenge assumptions, including your own, and have the courage to ask the question no one else wants to.

Confidence: Be self-assured and know that the time is right.  In the words of Martin Luther King “the time is always right to do what is right.” Be confident to sit with silence that may arise and to ‘not know’ where to go or what the solution is.

Control: You have to be in control of your emotions, which means you have to be present in the here and now, centred and calm. Be curious not judgemental, and speak candidly without creating defensiveness, so that what you say is delivered in a way that feels positive.

Choice: This runs through all of the 3 C’s above. You are at choice in all that you do:

• Choose to be courageous
• Choose to be confident
• Choose to be in control of your emotions
• Choose to have the conversation

Courageous conversations foster creativity; strengthens relationships and more importantly allows you to be the leader in your life.

Good luck! I’d love to hear how you get on.

"It's not the day you have to manage... but the moment. It's not the dragon you have to slay, but the fear. And it's not the path you have to know, but the destination."

Mike Dooley