Managing your irritation

How often do you find that you are irritated at work?

More importantly what do you do to manage or mask your irritation?

Do you know how you show up when you are irritated?

Do you even care?

As a leader you are on show all of the time. People are constantly making assessments about how you are, whether you like it or not. If you are thinking one thing and saying another people pick up on this. Therefore you need to make every action and interaction count to have the exact impact that you intended.

Easy right?

WRONG!

After all you are human and we all have our idiosyncrasies. However, as a leader you set the tone for your team and organisation so you do have to model the behaviour you expect from others.

You need to be clearer than most about your intentions and mindful as to whether the impact you are creating matched those intentions. In my experience this is usually easier when things are going well than when they are not. And when they are not you have to be a master of self-management

Managing your state

Managing your own state is an art and far easier when things are going well and you are feeling fresh.

When you’re tired you’re more likely to be reactive – less considered.

When you’re in a new environment you’re likely to be hyper alert or stressed – looking for cues to ‘feel’ safe.

So what can you do to manage your state when you are irritated?

1. What happens to you physically? Notice if your head tilts in any way, what happens to your shoulders? My guess is your breathing is shallower too.
2. What’s the emotional tone? Name it and then identify what you want it to be instead. For example instead of being irritated you may want to feel calm, patient or relaxed.
3. Now, make the physical changes that will allow you to ‘take on’ that state. We all know what it feels like to be calm and you’ll notice that you take on a different physical shape to being irritated.
4. And finally, practice, practice, practice... The way to learn is through practice and one that interrupts old behavioural patterns is going to be longer lasting and sustainable.

 

Observing others

Leadership is about connection and taking others with you. You have to work at establishing good connections to create great collaboration.

Do you adapt your style to your audience?

Are you clear about what you want to achieve with the various people you work with?

Are their reactions and responses what you expected? 

If not what can you do to adapt and create a greater connection and understanding?

If your message isn’t getting across there is something you have to change to get people on board, to put it across in a way that helps them.

As a leader your job is about changing the experience of life at work - making the difficult easy and the uncomfortable comfortable, to create an engaged workforce. Being irritated doesn’t allow you to operate at your best to achieve this. So next time you feel irritated, even if it’s only a little try out what I’ve suggested and let me know what happens.

Don’t let people; places and things determine your moods. Take charge of how you feel each and every day.

Michael Barbarulo

What are you paying attention to as a leader?

My latest posts have been built around my model Stepping up and Standing out – how to harness the invisible power behind leadership presence and impact. There are 4 principles and so far I’ve covered how you show up as a leader and your intentions – what outcomes do you want in a given situation.

The third principle feels particularly pertinent as we ‘run’ into Christmas and this is about being present.

How present you are in any interaction you have?

Think of being present as where you put your attention.

I am sure you have been with someone and thought that they were not really with you their mind was somewhere else. When someone seems distracted in a meeting, I’m sure you notice that too.

So here’s the question:

How often are you really present with the person in front of you?

How often are you waiting to speak rather than actually listening with an intention to understand what the other person is saying?

How often do you find you are thinking about something else rather than what someone is actually saying in a meeting?

If leadership presence is what others’ sense and feel when they are with you and reflected in the quality of the relationships you build, then you have to be attentive. That means that you are here right now, in this moment.

It is NOT about:

1. Thinking about the next meeting, or what you are going to have for supper tonight.
2. Thinking about the meeting you’ve just had and how it went, or that email that’s just landed in your in box, or your ‘to do list’
3. Wondering who has just called you as your phone goes off in the middle of the conversation.
4. Figuring out when will be the best time to get your point of view across.

Leadership is about connection and the people around you know AND remember when you are paying attention to them.

So as we move into the season where we’re usually aiming to finish things off for the Christmas break and prepare to spend time with the family and socialise I’m going to ask you to experiment with this principle.

Experiment

I thought we’d have a little bit of fun with this, so we’re going to play a game called resisting temptation, and you’ll be pleased to know that this is not about resisting food.

Technology invades our space and we’re always reaching for the phone, the i-pad, the laptop, to check emails, texts, Facebook or whatever else you have as a distraction on your ‘device’. Paying attention to these stops us being present with the people around us.

You get to choose where you play this game. You may choose to play it at home rather than at work, or you may choose to play it in every meeting you have. It’s entirely up to you. My only request is that you play it at least once a day. So here’s how to play; 

• You put all of your attention on the person or task you are working on at that time and be fully present in the moment.
• If it’s a task that is on your laptop/computer, turn off your email and phone. 
• If it’s a meeting you do the same, and focus on every person as they speak.
• If you are playing this at home do exactly the same.
• If you are having a conversation with someone put all of your attention on that person and the conversation. Close your laptop or move away from your computer, phone, ipad…

The essence of this game is to remove all distractions and put all of your attention on the person or task in hand.

I can’t wait to hear how you get on with this. Email me to let me know what you discover.

Remember, this is a game so have some fun with it.

“You don’t build a bond without being present.”

James Earl Jones

How successful are you at creating the right impact as a leader?

In my last post I talked about the first principle of having a greater impact and

leadership presence – how you show up as a leader.

Right now I want to build on that and share the second principle - purpose.

I see so many leaders simply ‘going through the motions’ – ‘doing what they have always done’ and wondering why they didn’t get the results they wanted.

This is why purpose is important.

Purpose is all about your intention in any situation – being clear about what you want to achieve.

How often do you go into a meeting with a very clear intention of what you want to achieve from it?

If your answer is less than 100%, then there is some work to be done here.

As a leader you are on show all of the time and people are always watching you.

You are judged by the impact you have on others.

We all judge others on what they say, what they do and how they act, and yet we judge ourselves by our intentions.

To be an effective leader your actions have got to match your intentions.

If you aren’t clear then the chances of the person on the receiving end understanding are pretty slim. If you are thinking one thing and saying another people pick up on this.

What is his intention?

When you are clear about your intention your mind and body are connected, how you act and what you say will be completely congruent.

Let me tell you why this is important.

Leadership is about connection, so you need to make sure you connect in some way with everyone you meet – and yes I did say everyone.

You have to take the other person into consideration to connect. Some questions you may want to ask yourself are:

• What is your current relationship with them?
• What history is there between you (or their department)?
• How do you want this relationship to develop?

So how do you want to be influencing your relationships with others?

Once you are clear on this you can then consider your intentions for the meeting you are going to have with them.

Setting an intention

Here are a few examples of things you could consider as intentions:

• Is it simply to connect and build rapport with the person – believe me that is a good intention to have  - remember presence is…what others sense and feel when they are with you.
• Is there a particular result you want from this meeting?
• Is there a system, structure or process you want to review, put in place, or agree?
• Is there something you want to learn?
• Is this a topic you simply want to understand?
• If so what is it that you want to learn/understand?
• Is there an idea you want to share and get some feedback on?

These are just some examples to consider and I’m sure you’ll come up with your own.

Being really clear about your intention helps you focus your mind and your energy.

I know you’ll have many meetings every week, so here is an exercise for you.

Here is what I’d like you to experiment with: 

1. First set an intention for every meeting you go to. Yes! Every meeting.
2. Second consider how you want to be seen.  
3. And then put this into practice.

Now, if the thought of doing this for every meeting sends you into panic – good! This is about doing things differently and consistently as consistent action gets consistent results. Force yourself to try this out and see what happens.

This is simply to raise your own awareness of how you show up as a leader, so you can have a greater impact and presence.

Send me an email to let me know how you get on.

“What you think you become.”

Buddha

How are you showing up as a leader?

More and more leaders are asking me to work with them to develop their presence and personal impact.

What I’ve noticed is they are typically faced with these 3 challenges:

1.   They’ve been told that you need to develop a greater presence yet no-one has given you any idea how you’re supposed to do this, or what specifically you need to do.

2.   They are mixing with the right people but can’t seem to get the airtime or their attention to get your message across.

3.   They have way too much to do and don’t have time to spend on developing your presence, after all that’s not going to get the job done!

When I ask anyone what leadership presence is they often struggle to define it and yet they know it’s important.

The truth is no one really teaches this stuff… until now.

For me there are 4 key principles needed to develop an authentic presence that will allow you to:

·      Get the air-time and attention of the people you need too,

·      Influence others and take them with you, and

·      Be seen as a calm and credible leader

I’ve developed a framework around these 4 principles, all equally important and necessary if you want to be successful. You can come back to them time and time again as you progress through your career.

Today, I want to share the first element – how you physically show up as a leader.

You are on show all of the time and people are always watching you and making assessments. Whether you like it or not you set the tone and standards for those around you.

So it’s not good enough to just ‘show up’ and hope for the best.

Whether you like it or not you are judged by the impact you have on others.

People are watching how you act, how you walk, how you sit and how you talk…it’s therefore the quality of your visibility that counts.

It’s the quality you bring to any situation and how you actually present yourself that matters.

This is the foundation piece for presence and impact.

Here’s an example.

I was working with a Board Director; let’s call him Joe. He recognised he’d got more and more drawn into tactical issues and had lost the influence he once had.

When I first met him what I saw was someone who looked frail, ‘mouse like’, and seemed to be making himself look small and blend in.

He certainly didn’t look like a Board Director who owned his agenda let alone his own space.

In just one session we worked on his posture. How he walked and how he filled his own his space. I encouraged him to pay attention to this in meetings and as he walked around the office.

When I next saw him I hardly recognized him. He looked taller. He was walking more confidently and appeared much more comfortable in his own skin. He told me how practicing these subtleties were paying off in his approach to managing meetings and leading discussions.  

So why have I chosen to share this particular story?

LEADERSHIP PRESENCE IS HOW OTHERS EXPERIENCE YOU!

It’s what others sense and feel when they are with you, how you project confidence and credibility.

It's reflected in the quality of the relationships you build, the levels of safety and trust that people feel when they are with you, and in the working environment that you create.

When you get it right this ‘presence’ resonates with, stabilises, and influences others.

So, as presence is something that we experience I thought you might like a little exercise to assess your own presence.

This is an opportunity to raise your awareness of how YOU show up and how that feels to you.

As I’ve already mentioned presence is a felt sense of who you are and how you come across. We often don’t take time to get a sense of this for ourselves.

Let’s start with paying attention to your posture.

Over the next few days start to notice:

How you are walking.

• Are you leaning forward?
• How are you holding your shoulders? Are they rolled forward or hunched up?
• Do you walk fast or slow?
• Where are you looking? Do you look around you or at the floor?

When you are in a meeting or at your desk..

• How are you sitting?
• What are you doing with your feet, do you have your legs crossed or are your feet planted firmly on the floor?
• How are you sitting on the chair? Are you taking up the whole seat, sitting on the edge, or are you leaning to one side?
• In meetings what are you doing with your hands? Are you doodling, fidgeting, working on your computer, or do you have them resting on the table?

These are just a few things to look out for and you may notice others.

What I’d like you to do is make a note of what you observe and ask yourself these 3 questions:

1.   What word would others use to describe you right now?

2.   Is this how you want to be described?

3.   If not, how do you want to be seen instead?

It’s a simple exercise and I just want you to observe yourself and make any adjustments you think will help.

Leadership starts with self-awareness.

I hope you get some great insights and I look forward to connecting with you soon. 

If you’d like to explore how you can develop your own leadership presence further email me and we can set up a call to explore this further.

‘There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy.’

Friederich Nietzsche

Riding the Waves of Change – 3 Coping Strategies

We all know that change is ever present in our work and daily lives and it may

feel like there is very little restpite between one change piece and another. The more senior you are in an organisation the more frequent the waves occur it’s just the scale that may be different.

The art and skill for us all is how to best manage this ‘ride’ with relative ease.

Sadly, there is no silver bullet. If only……. There is, however, some things we can all do to manage ourselves as we address each day. If you can manage yourself you will be in an even better position to manage what is happening around you.

Here are my top 3 tips:

Breathe

Breathing is something we all take for granted. It happens automatically. However, when we are ‘stressed’ or under pressure it’s one of the first things that will change. It becomes shallower and higher up in our chest.

So, take a deep breath. In fact you may need to take several deep breaths and breath from your diaphragm. This helps you slow down and think a bit more clearly and be more present in the moment.

Observe

Lift your head up. This may sound a little strange, but I see so many people walking around looking at the floor ahead of them, or these days walking a reading their texts! You can’t observe what’s happening around you when you are looking down.

As a leader your role is to set direction and lead people in that direction.

Lifting your head up (literally and metaphorically) allows you to make sure you are heading in the right direction and can also see what is coming your way. Is the sea calm ahead or do you need to prepare for a storm? There may be times when you need to adjust your route and with your head raised you can see which route may be more appropriate.

Observing the landscape will also give you a better handle on how your people are performing:

• Who around you is coping and open to the change? How can you best utilise them?

• Who is the most vulnerable and how are they coping?

• Who is the most emotional and what exactly are they emotional about?Do you have people in the optimum position?

Being a great observer allows you to see what is actually happening and adapt your approach accordingly.

Be Open

When I talk about being open I mean be open on three levels:

1. Have an open mind – be open to others ideas and ways of doing things. Don’t try and predict what will happen next. 
2. Be open about what you think and feel – this may mean you saying that you don’t have an answer, that you’ve made a mistake as well as how motivated, excited or disappointed you might feel. 
3. By open physically – this links to lifting your head, as lifting your head will help you appear more open and approachable. In addition, consider how you are sitting or standing. Are you slouched? If you are, to others you won’t look open to ideas or approachable.  Be grounded and centred and face the direction of travel with confidence. People are more likely to follow you this way. 

Try them out. See how you get on and let me know how they work for you.

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."

Buddha

Mind Full or Mindful? How present are you in your Leadership?

How often are you actually present?

By this I mean in the moment, 100% here, now both physically and mentally. Simply being present, in your body, immersing myself in the here and now, and suspending any habitual ways of thinking,

• More than 50% of the time?
• Less than 50% of the time?

Being in the moment is more than being there in person. It’s about truly bringing your whole self into the room: mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. It’s about clearing your mind and not being distracted by your own thoughts and stories and being ‘still’.

In this way you are more open to observe any situation from a position of objectivity. To observe feelings and actions being transmitted and picking up on what may not be being transmitted. For me this is about being really centred and grounded so you can truly connect with the person or people you are working with.

It’s about being engaged in the relationship, connecting and then noticing what comes up.

When you are really present you:

1. Are more flexible giving you the ability to ‘ebb and flow’ in the moment. Because   you are not pre-occupied with your own thoughts you are more able to respond (as opposed to react) to what is happening.
2. Are more able to access your own intuition and “trust your gut." Your mind is clear and therefore you are able pay more attention to what is going on in your body and how you feel.
3. Are more open to not knowing and exploring what might be. 
4. See more options to work with those around you and choose, in the moment, what is most effective. 
5. Can shift perspectives and experiment with new possibilities.
6. Will be more confident in working with strong emotions without being    overpowered by other's emotions. 

 But how do you do it?

You’d be forgiven for thinking it’s an intellectual process. It’s not; it’s a physical process. It’s about bringing the whole of you to the room and to the moment – each and every moment.

This requires you to let go of your conscious thought, to be comfortable with not knowing and trusting the wisdom of your whole body.  It also means letting go of all those models that we may hold onto in our head to find a solution or make a decision.

By paying attention to your whole body you are more likely to tap into your intuition. When you are truly present you are able to attune to EVERYTHING that is going on: emotions, mood, physiology, concerns and yearnings of those around you.

Listening to your intuition and ‘inner knowing’ you can choose the moment to act. This may mean taking a risk and shifting the perspective of your audience.

So how do we get good at it?

Mindfulness practices help as they will help you quieten the mind, for example, meditation, yoga, tai chi, relaxing and paying attention to the breath. For those without one of these mindfulness practices I would suggest practicing getting grounded and centred every day. This is how I started and I promise you it works!

I have found practicing the more I practice the easier it gets.

You can practice in many situations and I encourage people to find moments in the day to be really present e.g. walking down the street, on the train or tube, shopping, in the shower, putting your children to bed. There are endless opportunities when you start to think about them.

If being present is a challenge for you give me a call and we can explore this further to determine what action you can take. I believe everyone can do it. It just takes practice.

“There is more to life than increasing its speed.”

Gandhi

Are you having the Impact you want?

The aim of this blog is to help you understand what we mean by impact. Hopefully, by keeping it simple, you’ll get some hints and tips on how to be more impactful yourself.

I have had several conversations recently on leading with impact or personal impact either with coaching clients, developing a personal impact workshop with colleagues or in designing a leading with impact event. What I have learned is it is difficult for people to describe and define and therefore less easy to determine what action to take.

My definition of personal impact is ‘The ability to command your audience, aligning your physiology and emotions to create the impact you intend.’ If you are able to do this it will automatically affect the tone of voice you use.

Why Physiology and Emotions?

I often refer to the Mehrabian model on the impact of communication where 55% of what we communicate is through our physiology. This can be anything from facial expression, the way you stand or sit and breathing. It’s not about size, height or physical beauty. 38% of what we communicate is through tone of voice, which includes volume, timbre, speed, rhythm and the energy behind it.

Both tone and physiology are affected by our emotions. If you are fearful, happy, stressed it will show in both and people unconsciously read these. This leaves 7% of the impact in the words you use. It’s important to recognise that all 3 elements are significant and have to be aligned. Saying you are happy when your voice tone and body are clearly saying something different gives an incongruous message. You can bet that most people get that you are not happy.

So how do you ‘do’ impact?

It’s easier said than done as whatever we do has an impact the question is, is it the impact you want to create? Being laid back is great if that is the impact you want to create. It’s not so good if you want people to listen to your message and remember it. It starts the moment you enter the room! Here are some simple steps you can begin to practice.

1. Ask yourself – what is my intention in the meeting? What result do I want? What atmosphere do I want to create? Having got clarity on this;

2. Ask yourself – how do I need to be to create/deliver this? What do I need to embody? Visualise how you will be walking into the room and interacting with others

3. As you do this go through a basic centring practice:

a. Stand with your feet hip width apart, balanced equally on each foot with your knees relaxed.

b. Lift your rib cage slightly and relax your shoulders so you stand tall yet relaxed.

c. Lift you head a look straight ahead, relaxing your jaw in the process.

d. Now, if your breath hasn’t already shifted breath into your abdomen.

4. Notice the shift in your body and your breath and the energy you need to create and project.

5. If possible practice how you need to be.

After the event reflect:

1. Did you create the impact you wanted?

2. If yes what did you learn that you can repeat or do more of?

3. If not what did you notice about how you were? When did you ‘lose it?’

4. What do you need to practice to do better next time?

5. If possible get feedback.

Practice

As with all new skills and behaviours it will take lots of practice before it comes naturally, is unconscious and truly embodied The more you practice the more flexible and more self aware you become Don’t wait for the main event. Find opportunities outside of work where it’s not so important. If it doesn’t work view it as an opportunity to learn and adjust.

If you want to explore more and invest in some development then look at the strozzi institute who run courses through Roffey Park in the U.K

‘Be who you are in every situation.’

Michael Johnson