The Good the Bad and the Ugly of Seeking Feedback

Over the years, working with hundreds of leaders in business, I have found that people are hungry for feedback and yet most people don’t ask for it.  When they do they are often not clear and ask questions like:

• How did I do?
• Can you give me some feedback?
• What can I do differently?

In this blog I have provided some tips on what you can do to get great feedback – the good, and what to avoid – the bad and the ugly….

The Good

The only way to improve and be a better leader is to receive great feedback and then put into practice what is appropriate for you to be the leader that you want to be.

Start by getting really clear what it is you want feedback on. When you know this make a very clear request in positive, concrete, action language and ask for what you actually want e.g.

” I have a request for you.” (This usually grabs people’s attention and they will stop and listen).

"I have written this presentation and I’d like you to critique it in the following way:

Does it meet the needs of the target audience?" (Be sure to tell them who the target audience is)

"What do you think the key messages are?

What if anything can I do to make it clearer in the two areas above.”

This is just one example of what a request for feedback might be and how to be clear about what you want. 

If you are working at improving the way you influence stakeholders be really clear about what it is you want feedback on; is it your voice tone, volume, the way you sit and stand, the language you use etc.

Always be prepared to ask for what the other person would suggest to make it even better ensuring you get specific actions that will help you.

Remember too you don’t always need to take it on board.

The Bad

Here are some common mistakes people make;

1. Asking in a vague and abstract way using ambiguous phrasing. The clearer you are about what you want the more likely you are to get it. 
2. Approaching the person they want feedback from in a sheepish way, making little eye contact and speaking quietly.
3. Skirting around the issue by talking generically about what you are working on and saying you would like feedback and not being clear that you want feedback from this person.
4. Being too direct so that your request comes across as a demand!

The Ugly

Here are some indicators to let you know you need some help in how you go about seeking feedback:

• You don’t actually know what you want, therefore don’t know what to ask for.
• You ask the wrong person for feedback. This may be someone who is not experienced enough on the topic you or simply not very good at giving feedback.
• You ask for what you don’t want e.g. I don’t want feedback on the content but anything else would be useful….
• You just don’t ask making the assumption no news is good news… 

If this criteria applies to you ensure you get support from someone who is really good at asking for feedback, or get a good coach.

What I do know is that people rarely say no when you take the time to seek their input. They may not be able to offer you anything right there and then, but they will generally comply if you enter into a conversation with them.

Be the leader in your life and always ask for what you want – it brings greater clarity to everyone around you.

“Making requests in clear, positive, concrete action language reveals what we really want.”

Marshall B. Rosenberg

The biggest problem with feedback and how you can fix it

When was the last time you received good quality feedback?

When was the last time gave good quality feedback to a member of your team, a peer or your boss?

As a professional coach giving feedback is an essential part of my work and from working with 100’s of clients over the years one thing I have learned is that people long for feedback. This is feedback of any nature – what they are good at and how they can improve.

So if people really want feedback how come they don’t get it?

It’s simple.

• Many people don’t know how to ask for feedback.
• Many people don’t know how to give good quality feedback.

All too often I hear generic feedback like, that was really good, you did a great job with …., I really liked the way you did …, this isn’t quite right, do this instead, I don’t think that went well….. This doesn’t help anyone know exactly what it is they did well or what hey need to improve.

 

Get Specific

If you are self aware you often know what you could do differently, and there are times when you don’t. What helps in these circumstances is getting really specific feedback. The more senior you go the more essential this is as it’s often fine-tuning that is required

The two guys who climbed El Capitan in Yosemite Park are a great example of this.

These guys are at the top of their game attempting a 3000 foot free climb. One of them, Kevin Jorgeson, struggled with one of the most difficult parts of the climb and attempted it 11 times over a 7-day period. 11 TIMES!! Each time he reflected on what he was doing and tried again, ripping his hands in the process. It was only when we saw footage from the cameraman (a form of feedback) that he noticed his feet were the problem not his hands. By simply adjusting his foot placement slightly he could make the next part of the climb. When he made this adjustment – he made it and then progressed to the top.

This is how specific we need to get when giving feedback.

What exactly is it your team member or colleague needs to do to be even better at their job? Do they need to change their language, change their tone, take some deep breaths when someone disagrees with them, think more specifically about their audience or their message, stand more confidently by lifting their head and standing balanced, make eye contact…

So next time you are about to give someone some feedback either spontaneously or during appraisal – what exactly is it that will help them?

Make sure they are in the right place mentally to receive it, and tell them that you have some feedback for them. If they are not ready for it they won’t hear it.

Make it count!

"All employees have an innate desire to contribute to something bigger than themselves.”

Jag Randhawa,

Being the Best that You Can be!

If you want to be the best you can be you need to regularly set yourself some challenging goals or targets and get feedback. This is what most world class athletes do and strangely enough it's what most organisations performance reviews are based on. Yet, for most people, the mere mention of this event makes their heart sink.

Why is this? We all want feedback. I haven’t come across anyone who doesn’t want feedback so how have we got ourselves into the situation where so many people do not look forward to this process?

Here are some of the common mistakes I’ve seen:

• You only have this conversation once a year at performance review time so you either bring up all the things you want to from the past year (good and bad), or can’t remember key incidents which would be of value to the employee.

• You structure the conversation based on the review forms you have to complete. The conversation is therefore a form filling exercise rather than a meaningful discussion about the individuals overall performance.

• The feedback comments are so generic they don’t have any meaning for the individual, for example ‘you did a great job’, ‘you handled that really well’, ‘that didn’t go too well’, or ‘you acted unprofessionally.’ When you are on the receiving end of this type of feedback you have no idea what you actually did well or not so well...

This is a shame, because giving and receiving feedback is one of the most important activities you can engage in with your team.

When done well it is the springboard to performance greatness.

How often do you actually give meaningful feedback to your team members?

How often do you get feedback?

If you don’t get it do you ask for it?

As a reminder and to hopefully encourage you to be even better at asking for and giving feedback I've listed some 'best practice' tips below. 
Whilst I’m sure you have heard all of this before if you are not giving regular feedback, or asking for feedback yourself then I would encourage you to read on and decide what you are going to start to do differently to enhance your own and your teams performance.

How do I give constructive and effective feedback?

The most important element in providing effective feedback is establishing an atmosphere of mutual trust and regard. When a feeling of trust has been created, it is easier both to give and to accept feedback.

• Make sure that the employee understands that you are working toward a mutual goal – their success.
• Acknowledge the employee's accomplishments and successes along with the areas in which he or she needs to improve.
• Be specific. It is much more useful to describe the specific element of work that concerns you or that you are particularly impressed by. Remember to stick to what you know first hand: You'll quickly find yourself on shaky ground if you start giving feedback based on other people's views.
• Keep the feedback simple. Decide on the area you want to cover. You don't want to create a shopping list of faults that could overwhelm and discourage the employee.
• Offer to work with your employee to develop solutions to any problems that he or she is encountering. 

How do I ask for feedback?

When I ask people whether they ask for feedback I get one of two responses:

1. I haven’t asked
2. I haven’t been specific on what I want feedback on.

• Be clear about what you want feedback on. If you are practicing your presentation skills what is it that you are working on? Is it your voice tone, your volume, how you stand or sit, the content of the presentation the flow of the presentation, your eye contact, the pace, how you handle questions…This is what I mean by be clear.

• Ask someone who you know will give you the feedback and will focus on the specifics.

• Be prepared to ask further questions for clarity when you are getting the feedback so you can walk away and know exactly what it was you did well, or what specifically you need to do differently.

So these 3 simple things are to help you be more proactive in obtaining relevant feedback for you.

What do I do while I am receiving feedback?

There is an art to receiving feedback as well as giving it and as feedback is rare  you really need to know how to make the most of it:

• Listen while your manager, colleague or stakeholder is giving feedback, and I mean really listen - don't be waiting to speak. Wait until he or she is finished before you respond.

• Make sure you understand the feedback. It's useful to paraphrase the feedback to ensure that you captured the intended meaning. Ask for clarification or for more specifics if it’s not making sense to you.

• Ask for strategies to resolve the issues and work together to develop solutions if you are not sure how to proceed.

• Finally, whether you agree with the feedback or not, thank the person for his or her time and for being helpful to you. 

What if I get feedback that I don't agree with?

We don’t have to take on board all the feedback we get. We always have a choice. So if you don’t agree with what you are hearing:

• Step back. It's useful to consider the feedback calmly and to think about it in the overall context of moving forward in your career.

• Ask a trusted peer for his or her point of view or talk with a mentor.

• If you decide not to use the feedback, let your manager know and tell her or him your reasons. They may want to give you additional feedback. Listen to it and enter into a dialogue about it. If you decide not to use the feedback at this time, keep the feedback in mind, since it may make more sense to you down the road.

If you really believe in people being the best that they can be, or  better still, see that you have more potential, make feedback a habit – both giving and asking for it!

"Be proactive. Proactive people work on the things they can do something about."

Stephen Covey