Are you Setting Yourself up for Success?

How would you describe your typical day at work?

You spend most of the day doing things you don’t really enjoy, going through the motions because that’s your job.

OR

You spend your day doing the things you love, being highly productive and feeling satisfied with your achievements?

If you answered yes to the second question than there is no need to read any further. You are probably setting goals based on your strengths and talents and building your personal and professional life on your assets. Congratulations!

You’ve learned to recognise and develop your talents and find roles that best suit you finding ways to apply them when necessary.

If you answered yes to the first question then here are some tips on turning this around so that you can enjoy the work you do even more by playing to your strengths.

What are your signature strengths?

The first step to making this happen is to identify your strengths.

Strength is something that you exercise frequently and with ease. You may not even recognise it as a strength because it is so easy.

There are a couple of ways to do this one way is to ask people for feedback: 

• What are you the go to person for?
• What adjectives would people use to describe you?
• If I were to ask someone who worked for you to describe you, what would they say?

Another is to take some simple on line questionnaires:

•  Values in Action (VIA)
•  StrengthsFinder           

You can use either of these approaches or a combination – the choice is yours. Whichever you choose I would recommend that you take some time to really get to know what they are and how you currently display them.

Then… ask yourself:

How can you apply your strengths more to achieve your outcomes?

How can you build a bridge using each of your signature strengths to develop your road map to get you where you want to?

This is not about ignoring weaknesses or development areas that warrant attention it’s just that the intention is not to dwell there.

Then…apply a strategy for one week:

Day one = Identify one of your strengths and notice where is this strength in action.

Day two = Brainstorm new ideas, novel approaches to applying this strength. How can you apply this to make the most of a situation?

Day three to five = Put this into practice and review your results.

Then…Review how things have gone and adapt as necessary making sure you play to your strengths.

Top performers have very specific goal setting habits. They know their capabilities and set goals slightly above their current levels, whereas low achievers are unaware of their ability levels and often set goals that are unrealistically ambitious.

Knowledge of your strengths can be used to re-craft jobs, negotiate development challenges, construct teams on the basis of complimentary strengths and build better relationships with colleagues and superiors.

So what is your next step in being seen and acknowledged as the talented individual that you are?

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."

Steve Jobs

When Not Influencing is the Right Influencing Style to Adopt

Have you ever been in a situation where you are trying to influence a peer or a group and nothing seems to be working? You have applied all the techniques you know from persuasion, to listening, painting a picture of the new way to assertiveness and still you seem to be making no difference.

This may be for a number of reasons. The other person is distracted, the timing isn’t right, there may be a degree of tension in them as well as you…

It’s at times like these the most effective thing to do is disengage in some way, to temporarily withdraw.

Disengaging can help you maintain focus and prevent you from being distracted by side issues. You can conserve energy for the more important issues.

Here are some of the tactics you could employ:

Postpone

• Use this tactic when you are not prepared and need time, for example, delay a meeting.
• Do not insist others meet with you if they are not ready or under stress.
• Give yourself permission to change your mind about an appointment, a decision, delay the action to think it over.
• Take as much time as you need – particularly useful if someone is trying to pressure you. 

Facilitate

This is particularly helpful if there are several people involved. 

• Try to mediate confrontations that you are not part of – be the cool one.
• When things are not going well in a meeting step back from the situation and try or change it with interventions such as “we seem to have trouble making progress. It seems we have stopped listening to each other.”

Change the subject

• In meetings where caustic comments are made or there are obvious signs of irritation, use humour or another diversion to lessen the tension or emotion. Emphasise areas of agreement.
• When energy starts to decrease or people are becoming frustrated return to an earlier point or start another line of discussion that you think will be more helpful.
• When someone becomes more familiar than you’d like keep topics focussed on business.  

Take a break

• When you feel you are being overloaded tell the other person you need a few moments alone.
• In a meeting where there are indications of fatigue or stress, or the conversation is going around in circles suggest a break.

Disengaging as an influencing technique can only work when it’s a deliberate tactic and should not be confused with avoiding where you would:

• Minimise or dismiss a difference in opinion
• Change your own position
• Withdraw to avoid conflict or confrontation
• Side step the issue suggesting bureaucratic procedures or
• Defer to others to avoid the issue

Model the behaviour you want others to use and practice:

• If you have a tendency to make sarcastic comments or get involved in arguments, employ some self-restraint
• If you get overly involved and lose efficiency, step back and give yourself room to think
• If you have a tendency to meet everyone else’s need and not your own try to obtain a balance, postpone and take more breaks

"Distance has the same effect on the mind as on the eye."

Samuel Johnson

The Good the Bad and the Ugly of Seeking Feedback

Over the years, working with hundreds of leaders in business, I have found that people are hungry for feedback and yet most people don’t ask for it.  When they do they are often not clear and ask questions like:

• How did I do?
• Can you give me some feedback?
• What can I do differently?

In this blog I have provided some tips on what you can do to get great feedback – the good, and what to avoid – the bad and the ugly….

The Good

The only way to improve and be a better leader is to receive great feedback and then put into practice what is appropriate for you to be the leader that you want to be.

Start by getting really clear what it is you want feedback on. When you know this make a very clear request in positive, concrete, action language and ask for what you actually want e.g.

” I have a request for you.” (This usually grabs people’s attention and they will stop and listen).

"I have written this presentation and I’d like you to critique it in the following way:

Does it meet the needs of the target audience?" (Be sure to tell them who the target audience is)

"What do you think the key messages are?

What if anything can I do to make it clearer in the two areas above.”

This is just one example of what a request for feedback might be and how to be clear about what you want. 

If you are working at improving the way you influence stakeholders be really clear about what it is you want feedback on; is it your voice tone, volume, the way you sit and stand, the language you use etc.

Always be prepared to ask for what the other person would suggest to make it even better ensuring you get specific actions that will help you.

Remember too you don’t always need to take it on board.

The Bad

Here are some common mistakes people make;

1. Asking in a vague and abstract way using ambiguous phrasing. The clearer you are about what you want the more likely you are to get it. 
2. Approaching the person they want feedback from in a sheepish way, making little eye contact and speaking quietly.
3. Skirting around the issue by talking generically about what you are working on and saying you would like feedback and not being clear that you want feedback from this person.
4. Being too direct so that your request comes across as a demand!

The Ugly

Here are some indicators to let you know you need some help in how you go about seeking feedback:

• You don’t actually know what you want, therefore don’t know what to ask for.
• You ask the wrong person for feedback. This may be someone who is not experienced enough on the topic you or simply not very good at giving feedback.
• You ask for what you don’t want e.g. I don’t want feedback on the content but anything else would be useful….
• You just don’t ask making the assumption no news is good news… 

If this criteria applies to you ensure you get support from someone who is really good at asking for feedback, or get a good coach.

What I do know is that people rarely say no when you take the time to seek their input. They may not be able to offer you anything right there and then, but they will generally comply if you enter into a conversation with them.

Be the leader in your life and always ask for what you want – it brings greater clarity to everyone around you.

“Making requests in clear, positive, concrete action language reveals what we really want.”

Marshall B. Rosenberg

The biggest problem with feedback and how you can fix it

When was the last time you received good quality feedback?

When was the last time gave good quality feedback to a member of your team, a peer or your boss?

As a professional coach giving feedback is an essential part of my work and from working with 100’s of clients over the years one thing I have learned is that people long for feedback. This is feedback of any nature – what they are good at and how they can improve.

So if people really want feedback how come they don’t get it?

It’s simple.

• Many people don’t know how to ask for feedback.
• Many people don’t know how to give good quality feedback.

All too often I hear generic feedback like, that was really good, you did a great job with …., I really liked the way you did …, this isn’t quite right, do this instead, I don’t think that went well….. This doesn’t help anyone know exactly what it is they did well or what hey need to improve.

 

Get Specific

If you are self aware you often know what you could do differently, and there are times when you don’t. What helps in these circumstances is getting really specific feedback. The more senior you go the more essential this is as it’s often fine-tuning that is required

The two guys who climbed El Capitan in Yosemite Park are a great example of this.

These guys are at the top of their game attempting a 3000 foot free climb. One of them, Kevin Jorgeson, struggled with one of the most difficult parts of the climb and attempted it 11 times over a 7-day period. 11 TIMES!! Each time he reflected on what he was doing and tried again, ripping his hands in the process. It was only when we saw footage from the cameraman (a form of feedback) that he noticed his feet were the problem not his hands. By simply adjusting his foot placement slightly he could make the next part of the climb. When he made this adjustment – he made it and then progressed to the top.

This is how specific we need to get when giving feedback.

What exactly is it your team member or colleague needs to do to be even better at their job? Do they need to change their language, change their tone, take some deep breaths when someone disagrees with them, think more specifically about their audience or their message, stand more confidently by lifting their head and standing balanced, make eye contact…

So next time you are about to give someone some feedback either spontaneously or during appraisal – what exactly is it that will help them?

Make sure they are in the right place mentally to receive it, and tell them that you have some feedback for them. If they are not ready for it they won’t hear it.

Make it count!

"All employees have an innate desire to contribute to something bigger than themselves.”

Jag Randhawa,

4 misconceptions about saying no

I have had several conversations over recent weeks with colleagues and clients who are either tired, have expressed being close to burn out last year, or overwhelmed with the volume of work.

On one hand, I completely understand this as there is an ever increasing need for organisations to achieve more with less, adapt and change with the environment they are in, whether that’s driven by the competition, customers, technology, the economy or all four!!

On the other hand, this just feels so wrong. As humans we only have a certain capacity to cope with these stresses and strains before it begins to take it’s toll. Whilst there are techniques we can utilise to build our resilience over time, what can you do in the short term?

Say No

Say no to taking on this extra responsibility

Say no to attending a meeting you have no idea what it’s about

Say no to accepting under performance

Say no to answering your emails after 7.00 pm (or whatever time you put to put around this)

It never ceases to surprise me how many people struggle with this one little word and yet it can be a lifesaver.

As a leader it’s one of the things you have to get comfortable saying – to yourself and to others.

The Misconceptions

I hear many reasons why saying ‘no’ is not appropriate:

• I don’t want to upset anyone. Saying no isn’t personal. Few people I know take a ‘no’ response personally. If they do it’s usually because of the way the message has been delivered not the message itself.  In my experience it brings great clarity on what may be required or not and people actually know where you and they stand. People like boundaries and saying ‘no’ is putting a line in the sand. In fact saying yes and not meaning it is worse as people do tend to pick up on your incongruence. And a maybe is even worse – leaving things somewhat up in the air.

• They may not like me. Leadership is not about being liked. People may not like the decision and if they happen to react badly to what you are telling them it’s because of the content of what you are saying rather than you personally. The key here is to separate the decision from the people. Often explaining the reason for your ‘no’ can clear this up. They may still not like your decision and take some time to come to terms with it but it really isn’t about you.

• My boss might think I’m being obstructive or un-ambitious. As a successful leader you have got to where you are because you can get things done… The more senior you get the trick is to work smarter not harder, which often means saying ‘no’ to people and situations which are ineffective and not aligned to the corporate goals. When you are really clear about your priorities and what is important it becomes much easier to know what to say ‘yes’ to and what to say ‘no’ to. Saying ‘no’ and explaining the reason for your response and maybe suggesting an alternative can actually demonstrate your clarity of thinking around priorities and the impact of particular actions.

• I may miss an opportunity. Opportunities are all around us. The question is which is the one that is the most appropriate right now? You have limited resources. It’s about making the best of those. Saying ‘no’ to some of the opportunities presented often allows more to be achieved with the one(s) you choose. 

Successful leaders are really clear about their priorities and great at re-prioritising when necessary. Saying ‘no’ to things that don’t fit with your priorities is a great strength.

So, if you are one of those leaders who struggles with this word, where can you start to practice? How can you say no elegantly and with clarity?

And if you need help call me. I have some great techniques that will help you become more comfortable and confident in saying no.

"It’s only by saying no that you can concentrate on the things that are really important."

Steve Jobs

How to Solve the Biggest Problems with Goal Setting

Goal setting and problem solving are continual tasks in any business and we often treat them separately. However, using goal setting to tackle a problem can often deliver a solution that is longer lasting.

I often hear managers say ‘how did it happen, what caused it?’ when they face a problem, large or small.

These are very valid questions and, what they cause you and others to do is look at a very specific situation and dig into it until you can answer the question.

On the other hand, taking a goal setting approach can create a very different solution that may have a more systemic result.

Here’s an example, a system goes down which results in a particular part of the business not being able to progress their work. By asking questions like, how did it happen? allows you to look only at that very specific situation to understand what happened and how you can rectify it.

If you are on the receiving end of that question it can sometimes create a defensive reaction and I’ve know this to turn into trying to find out who is responsible.

Start with the end in mind

Whereas, if you take a goal setting approach the question you ask is very different – what’s the outcome we want instead? It get’s you thinking differently. So, you start with the end in mind and you come up with the outcome – the goal you’d like to see in the future.

It is still good to use the SMART acronym to help you define the outcome you want and here it is as a reminder:

Specific – be as specific as possible. Think about the standards you want and maybe how you want it to look like so that you know what good looks like.

Measurable – How will you measure it when you’ve got it? Is there a reduction in costs, and increase in productivity, and increase in customer satisfaction? Be clear about how you’ll measure your outcome.

Achievable – think of this as being more about is what I’m looking for possible. I have seen people have debates about whether something is achievable or not and this is often driven by individual mindsets, rather than reality.

Realistic – Do you believe you can make this happen?

Timebound – set a date by which it will be achieved and if necessary set some milestones.

Once you have been through this process look at how you can bring this about and take action.

Taking this approach is more likely to identify flaws in the system or process.

So next time you have a problem ask your self what outcome do you want instead? 

A goal properly set is halfway reached.

 Abraham Lincoln

Rules for Success – How to Identify Yours in 3 Simple Steps

It’s not uncommon for people at this time of year to talk about their New Year resolutions or the goals they have set. In fact this morning I had three people ask me this very question.

I am not against this. In fact I have my own process I go through at the end of each year, which involves me looking at every area of my life and setting clear goals for the year ahead. In the last 3 years I’ve also selected a word for the coming year. If you want to know more about this latter process find more information here.

What was really interesting this morning was that one person said they had the same resolution as previous years because they never stuck to it…

It is easy to give up when faced with the first, second, or third hurdle, so I thought I’d share part of the process I go through each year. It allows me to identify my own rules for success that help me stay on track, or at the very least identify what isn’t working.

Reflection on successes

The first step is to reflect over the past year and list, and by that I mean write them down, all the things you achieved. Consider every aspect of your life and everything that was an achievement for you no matter how large or small.

It’s easy for us to forget great things that have happened and put all our focus on what we didn’t do or should have done.

Take time to look at your list and feel good or even great about them and acknowledge all that you have achieved. I’ve known some people to then create their top 10 highlights for the year and use this instead of a Christmas card. It’s very impressive when you receive one of these too!

Reflection on what you didn’t achieve YET

This second step is important. The mindset you have when approaching this step is equally important. This isn’t about beating yourself up, criticising yourself, or getting into any analysis of what could, should or didn’t happen. It’s simply about recognising that some things, for all sorts of reasons, haven’t been achieved yet.

Again write this down – list them and then move onto the last, and for me the most important, step.

Identify YOUR Rules for Success

Now, with both lists in front of you ask yourself these two questions:

What was it I did that allowed me to succeed and achieve all that I did last year? What were the rules I had that when I follow them I succeeded?

Make a note of these.

Then, ask yourself:

What were the rules I wasn’t following, that if you had followed, would have allowed me to achieve all those things I haven’t yet?

Make a list of these.

This is about taking the learning from the previous year to ensure you make the best of the next 12 months.

From what you have written down you can now identify the important things for you to do consistently. This then gives you your own personal rules for success that you know if you follow them enable you to succeed.

Keep them somewhere accessible, so that you can refer to them if you need to. I find that if something isn’t quite working the way I’d hoped, it’s usually because one or more of my own rules are not being followed.

Here are mine for this year:

1. Stay connected – to the people I am working with, my own goals and what I care about.
2. Be consistent – in all that I do working on and in my business.
3. Believe and trust in myself – we all have times when we doubt ourselves and I am no exception.
4. Follow through on things I have committed to do for myself as well as my clients
5. Do the work required both professionally and personally – this is another way of saying practice what you preach…

I hope this has given you an approach to help keep yourself on track and it would be lovely to hear what your own rules for success are – do let me know at dawn@aurora4success.co.uk

“Success or failure in business is caused more by the mental attitude than by mental capacities.”

Sir Walter Scott