The biggest problem with feedback and how you can fix it

When was the last time you received good quality feedback?

When was the last time gave good quality feedback to a member of your team, a peer or your boss?

As a professional coach giving feedback is an essential part of my work and from working with 100’s of clients over the years one thing I have learned is that people long for feedback. This is feedback of any nature – what they are good at and how they can improve.

So if people really want feedback how come they don’t get it?

It’s simple.

• Many people don’t know how to ask for feedback.
• Many people don’t know how to give good quality feedback.

All too often I hear generic feedback like, that was really good, you did a great job with …., I really liked the way you did …, this isn’t quite right, do this instead, I don’t think that went well….. This doesn’t help anyone know exactly what it is they did well or what hey need to improve.

 

Get Specific

If you are self aware you often know what you could do differently, and there are times when you don’t. What helps in these circumstances is getting really specific feedback. The more senior you go the more essential this is as it’s often fine-tuning that is required

The two guys who climbed El Capitan in Yosemite Park are a great example of this.

These guys are at the top of their game attempting a 3000 foot free climb. One of them, Kevin Jorgeson, struggled with one of the most difficult parts of the climb and attempted it 11 times over a 7-day period. 11 TIMES!! Each time he reflected on what he was doing and tried again, ripping his hands in the process. It was only when we saw footage from the cameraman (a form of feedback) that he noticed his feet were the problem not his hands. By simply adjusting his foot placement slightly he could make the next part of the climb. When he made this adjustment – he made it and then progressed to the top.

This is how specific we need to get when giving feedback.

What exactly is it your team member or colleague needs to do to be even better at their job? Do they need to change their language, change their tone, take some deep breaths when someone disagrees with them, think more specifically about their audience or their message, stand more confidently by lifting their head and standing balanced, make eye contact…

So next time you are about to give someone some feedback either spontaneously or during appraisal – what exactly is it that will help them?

Make sure they are in the right place mentally to receive it, and tell them that you have some feedback for them. If they are not ready for it they won’t hear it.

Make it count!

"All employees have an innate desire to contribute to something bigger than themselves.”

Jag Randhawa,

4 misconceptions about saying no

I have had several conversations over recent weeks with colleagues and clients who are either tired, have expressed being close to burn out last year, or overwhelmed with the volume of work.

On one hand, I completely understand this as there is an ever increasing need for organisations to achieve more with less, adapt and change with the environment they are in, whether that’s driven by the competition, customers, technology, the economy or all four!!

On the other hand, this just feels so wrong. As humans we only have a certain capacity to cope with these stresses and strains before it begins to take it’s toll. Whilst there are techniques we can utilise to build our resilience over time, what can you do in the short term?

Say No

Say no to taking on this extra responsibility

Say no to attending a meeting you have no idea what it’s about

Say no to accepting under performance

Say no to answering your emails after 7.00 pm (or whatever time you put to put around this)

It never ceases to surprise me how many people struggle with this one little word and yet it can be a lifesaver.

As a leader it’s one of the things you have to get comfortable saying – to yourself and to others.

The Misconceptions

I hear many reasons why saying ‘no’ is not appropriate:

• I don’t want to upset anyone. Saying no isn’t personal. Few people I know take a ‘no’ response personally. If they do it’s usually because of the way the message has been delivered not the message itself.  In my experience it brings great clarity on what may be required or not and people actually know where you and they stand. People like boundaries and saying ‘no’ is putting a line in the sand. In fact saying yes and not meaning it is worse as people do tend to pick up on your incongruence. And a maybe is even worse – leaving things somewhat up in the air.

• They may not like me. Leadership is not about being liked. People may not like the decision and if they happen to react badly to what you are telling them it’s because of the content of what you are saying rather than you personally. The key here is to separate the decision from the people. Often explaining the reason for your ‘no’ can clear this up. They may still not like your decision and take some time to come to terms with it but it really isn’t about you.

• My boss might think I’m being obstructive or un-ambitious. As a successful leader you have got to where you are because you can get things done… The more senior you get the trick is to work smarter not harder, which often means saying ‘no’ to people and situations which are ineffective and not aligned to the corporate goals. When you are really clear about your priorities and what is important it becomes much easier to know what to say ‘yes’ to and what to say ‘no’ to. Saying ‘no’ and explaining the reason for your response and maybe suggesting an alternative can actually demonstrate your clarity of thinking around priorities and the impact of particular actions.

• I may miss an opportunity. Opportunities are all around us. The question is which is the one that is the most appropriate right now? You have limited resources. It’s about making the best of those. Saying ‘no’ to some of the opportunities presented often allows more to be achieved with the one(s) you choose. 

Successful leaders are really clear about their priorities and great at re-prioritising when necessary. Saying ‘no’ to things that don’t fit with your priorities is a great strength.

So, if you are one of those leaders who struggles with this word, where can you start to practice? How can you say no elegantly and with clarity?

And if you need help call me. I have some great techniques that will help you become more comfortable and confident in saying no.

"It’s only by saying no that you can concentrate on the things that are really important."

Steve Jobs