The secret to creating new habits

As humans it’s very easy for us all to stick with our normal pattern of behaviour and forget to do something new.

The way we respond to situations is often habitual.

The patterns we all have of reacting to the external world have become ingrained and automatic to us.

It’s only through conscious practice we can change this.  

Through conscious practice we’re aiming to create a new habit. We’re training our mind and body to do something different, so you’re undoing 20/30 or 40 years of an old habits.

How many times have you been on a training course or leadership programme and walked away with lots of new ‘stuff’ to put into practice?

How many times have you actually followed through with this?

In my experience many people go back into the workplace with great intentions only to find these good intentions fall by the wayside.

I have been coaching now for over 15 years and one of the many things I have learned is that you can’t bring about new ways of being with out practice.

It takes time.

Think about how you learned to ride a bike, drive a car, learned to swim or any other activity that requires your co-ordination. It took practice, and I’m sure you made some mistakes along the way AND you still learned. You made adjustments and kept practicing.

Changing anything you do is no different. This may be the way you respond to a situation, a way of thinking, or trying out something new, it takes practice and adjustments.

To build mastery as a leader, you need to be more than just our automatic self.

So now is the time for you to consider what you want to practice on a regular basis in the New Year.

I’ve put together some simple steps to help you develop this. I hope you find them useful.

There are six steps in total, so let me talk you through them: 

1. Focus on one thing: Consider one thing, and only one thing that you want to change.
2. Make it manageable: Break it down into bite size chunks. What will be enough to take you out of your comfort zone and not stress you out?
3. Practice: Determine how often you are going to practice. Do you want to practice several times a day, or once a day? Whatever you decide do it as regularly as you can.
4. Review: After each practice reflect. How is it going? What worked and what still needs practice?
5. Adapt: What do you need to adjust? What will help you get a better result? Do you need to change the frequency of your practice?
6. Celebrate: Acknowledge the progress you have made. If you forget to practice be kind to yourself. Your aiming to do something you haven’t done before so take it one step at a time. Imperfect action is better than no action at all. 

We all work better when we have someone who will support us and hold us accountable to do what we have committed to.

If you know someone who will play this role ask them to check in with you regularly and celebrate with them.

If you know you want to create some change in 2016 and you are ready to move to the next level email me at Dawn @aurora4success.co.uk. I would be more than happy to explore with you how you can become and even better version of yourself.

Let me be the one to hold you accountable for your practices!

In the meantime good luck and have fun becoming the leader you were born to be.

Have lots of success.

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit." 

Aristotle 

What are you paying attention to as a leader?

My latest posts have been built around my model Stepping up and Standing out – how to harness the invisible power behind leadership presence and impact. There are 4 principles and so far I’ve covered how you show up as a leader and your intentions – what outcomes do you want in a given situation.

The third principle feels particularly pertinent as we ‘run’ into Christmas and this is about being present.

How present you are in any interaction you have?

Think of being present as where you put your attention.

I am sure you have been with someone and thought that they were not really with you their mind was somewhere else. When someone seems distracted in a meeting, I’m sure you notice that too.

So here’s the question:

How often are you really present with the person in front of you?

How often are you waiting to speak rather than actually listening with an intention to understand what the other person is saying?

How often do you find you are thinking about something else rather than what someone is actually saying in a meeting?

If leadership presence is what others’ sense and feel when they are with you and reflected in the quality of the relationships you build, then you have to be attentive. That means that you are here right now, in this moment.

It is NOT about:

1. Thinking about the next meeting, or what you are going to have for supper tonight.
2. Thinking about the meeting you’ve just had and how it went, or that email that’s just landed in your in box, or your ‘to do list’
3. Wondering who has just called you as your phone goes off in the middle of the conversation.
4. Figuring out when will be the best time to get your point of view across.

Leadership is about connection and the people around you know AND remember when you are paying attention to them.

So as we move into the season where we’re usually aiming to finish things off for the Christmas break and prepare to spend time with the family and socialise I’m going to ask you to experiment with this principle.

Experiment

I thought we’d have a little bit of fun with this, so we’re going to play a game called resisting temptation, and you’ll be pleased to know that this is not about resisting food.

Technology invades our space and we’re always reaching for the phone, the i-pad, the laptop, to check emails, texts, Facebook or whatever else you have as a distraction on your ‘device’. Paying attention to these stops us being present with the people around us.

You get to choose where you play this game. You may choose to play it at home rather than at work, or you may choose to play it in every meeting you have. It’s entirely up to you. My only request is that you play it at least once a day. So here’s how to play; 

• You put all of your attention on the person or task you are working on at that time and be fully present in the moment.
• If it’s a task that is on your laptop/computer, turn off your email and phone. 
• If it’s a meeting you do the same, and focus on every person as they speak.
• If you are playing this at home do exactly the same.
• If you are having a conversation with someone put all of your attention on that person and the conversation. Close your laptop or move away from your computer, phone, ipad…

The essence of this game is to remove all distractions and put all of your attention on the person or task in hand.

I can’t wait to hear how you get on with this. Email me to let me know what you discover.

Remember, this is a game so have some fun with it.

“You don’t build a bond without being present.”

James Earl Jones

How successful are you at creating the right impact as a leader?

In my last post I talked about the first principle of having a greater impact and

leadership presence – how you show up as a leader.

Right now I want to build on that and share the second principle - purpose.

I see so many leaders simply ‘going through the motions’ – ‘doing what they have always done’ and wondering why they didn’t get the results they wanted.

This is why purpose is important.

Purpose is all about your intention in any situation – being clear about what you want to achieve.

How often do you go into a meeting with a very clear intention of what you want to achieve from it?

If your answer is less than 100%, then there is some work to be done here.

As a leader you are on show all of the time and people are always watching you.

You are judged by the impact you have on others.

We all judge others on what they say, what they do and how they act, and yet we judge ourselves by our intentions.

To be an effective leader your actions have got to match your intentions.

If you aren’t clear then the chances of the person on the receiving end understanding are pretty slim. If you are thinking one thing and saying another people pick up on this.

What is his intention?

When you are clear about your intention your mind and body are connected, how you act and what you say will be completely congruent.

Let me tell you why this is important.

Leadership is about connection, so you need to make sure you connect in some way with everyone you meet – and yes I did say everyone.

You have to take the other person into consideration to connect. Some questions you may want to ask yourself are:

• What is your current relationship with them?
• What history is there between you (or their department)?
• How do you want this relationship to develop?

So how do you want to be influencing your relationships with others?

Once you are clear on this you can then consider your intentions for the meeting you are going to have with them.

Setting an intention

Here are a few examples of things you could consider as intentions:

• Is it simply to connect and build rapport with the person – believe me that is a good intention to have  - remember presence is…what others sense and feel when they are with you.
• Is there a particular result you want from this meeting?
• Is there a system, structure or process you want to review, put in place, or agree?
• Is there something you want to learn?
• Is this a topic you simply want to understand?
• If so what is it that you want to learn/understand?
• Is there an idea you want to share and get some feedback on?

These are just some examples to consider and I’m sure you’ll come up with your own.

Being really clear about your intention helps you focus your mind and your energy.

I know you’ll have many meetings every week, so here is an exercise for you.

Here is what I’d like you to experiment with: 

1. First set an intention for every meeting you go to. Yes! Every meeting.
2. Second consider how you want to be seen.  
3. And then put this into practice.

Now, if the thought of doing this for every meeting sends you into panic – good! This is about doing things differently and consistently as consistent action gets consistent results. Force yourself to try this out and see what happens.

This is simply to raise your own awareness of how you show up as a leader, so you can have a greater impact and presence.

Send me an email to let me know how you get on.

“What you think you become.”

Buddha

How are you showing up as a leader?

More and more leaders are asking me to work with them to develop their presence and personal impact.

What I’ve noticed is they are typically faced with these 3 challenges:

1.   They’ve been told that you need to develop a greater presence yet no-one has given you any idea how you’re supposed to do this, or what specifically you need to do.

2.   They are mixing with the right people but can’t seem to get the airtime or their attention to get your message across.

3.   They have way too much to do and don’t have time to spend on developing your presence, after all that’s not going to get the job done!

When I ask anyone what leadership presence is they often struggle to define it and yet they know it’s important.

The truth is no one really teaches this stuff… until now.

For me there are 4 key principles needed to develop an authentic presence that will allow you to:

·      Get the air-time and attention of the people you need too,

·      Influence others and take them with you, and

·      Be seen as a calm and credible leader

I’ve developed a framework around these 4 principles, all equally important and necessary if you want to be successful. You can come back to them time and time again as you progress through your career.

Today, I want to share the first element – how you physically show up as a leader.

You are on show all of the time and people are always watching you and making assessments. Whether you like it or not you set the tone and standards for those around you.

So it’s not good enough to just ‘show up’ and hope for the best.

Whether you like it or not you are judged by the impact you have on others.

People are watching how you act, how you walk, how you sit and how you talk…it’s therefore the quality of your visibility that counts.

It’s the quality you bring to any situation and how you actually present yourself that matters.

This is the foundation piece for presence and impact.

Here’s an example.

I was working with a Board Director; let’s call him Joe. He recognised he’d got more and more drawn into tactical issues and had lost the influence he once had.

When I first met him what I saw was someone who looked frail, ‘mouse like’, and seemed to be making himself look small and blend in.

He certainly didn’t look like a Board Director who owned his agenda let alone his own space.

In just one session we worked on his posture. How he walked and how he filled his own his space. I encouraged him to pay attention to this in meetings and as he walked around the office.

When I next saw him I hardly recognized him. He looked taller. He was walking more confidently and appeared much more comfortable in his own skin. He told me how practicing these subtleties were paying off in his approach to managing meetings and leading discussions.  

So why have I chosen to share this particular story?

LEADERSHIP PRESENCE IS HOW OTHERS EXPERIENCE YOU!

It’s what others sense and feel when they are with you, how you project confidence and credibility.

It's reflected in the quality of the relationships you build, the levels of safety and trust that people feel when they are with you, and in the working environment that you create.

When you get it right this ‘presence’ resonates with, stabilises, and influences others.

So, as presence is something that we experience I thought you might like a little exercise to assess your own presence.

This is an opportunity to raise your awareness of how YOU show up and how that feels to you.

As I’ve already mentioned presence is a felt sense of who you are and how you come across. We often don’t take time to get a sense of this for ourselves.

Let’s start with paying attention to your posture.

Over the next few days start to notice:

How you are walking.

• Are you leaning forward?
• How are you holding your shoulders? Are they rolled forward or hunched up?
• Do you walk fast or slow?
• Where are you looking? Do you look around you or at the floor?

When you are in a meeting or at your desk..

• How are you sitting?
• What are you doing with your feet, do you have your legs crossed or are your feet planted firmly on the floor?
• How are you sitting on the chair? Are you taking up the whole seat, sitting on the edge, or are you leaning to one side?
• In meetings what are you doing with your hands? Are you doodling, fidgeting, working on your computer, or do you have them resting on the table?

These are just a few things to look out for and you may notice others.

What I’d like you to do is make a note of what you observe and ask yourself these 3 questions:

1.   What word would others use to describe you right now?

2.   Is this how you want to be described?

3.   If not, how do you want to be seen instead?

It’s a simple exercise and I just want you to observe yourself and make any adjustments you think will help.

Leadership starts with self-awareness.

I hope you get some great insights and I look forward to connecting with you soon. 

If you’d like to explore how you can develop your own leadership presence further email me and we can set up a call to explore this further.

‘There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy.’

Friederich Nietzsche

5 Mistakes people make when thinking about personal brand

When I introduce the topic of personal branding I often get blank looks, resistance or people start talking about social media.

As the conversation progresses the following objections are often revealed:

1.    Branding is only for products.

Whether you like it or not you have a brand. It’s the reputation you have. The question for you to think about is, is that reputation aligned to how I want to be known? If it’s not then there is some work to do.

So, you can choose to own your brand and maximize it to achieve your aspirations; or let it manage you and wonder why the same things seem to happen to you!

If branding were only for products it wouldn’t be something recruiters are interested in understanding about possible candidates...

2.    Branding is inauthentic, you can’t possibly pigeon hole people!

That is correct you can’t pigeon hole people. What you can do is discover what your real assets are and how to best utilise these so you get to do the work you love. It’s more about how you stand out.

When you take the approach I do, which is to discover you from the inside out, it can only be authentic. It is being authentic to who you are that stands the test of time. This is how great brands last!

 

3.    It’s all about your online presence.

True. There is an element of this that will link to any online presence you have. The trick is to be consistent in how you come across both online and off line.

If you appear one way online and when people meet you you’re different they will be confused and potentially suspicious.

4.    I’m too busy and it’s not important now.

Well you may be busy and it may not seem important right now, AND you are communicating a brand already! You could be doing this inconsistently so people don’t really understand the value you bring to the work place.

Spending time on your brand will help you focus your efforts more effectively and be noticed for what you want to be known for.

This IS important.

5.    This is far too difficult and I don’t have the time or money to invest in hiring a Marketing consultant.

This doesn’t require an awful lot of investment and in the process you’ll get some really great and valuable feedback that reinforces all the good that you do.

It doesn’t require a Marketing consultant either.

I have a process that will allow you to get to the heart of your brand within 3 to 4 hours. Having achieved that you’ll be motivated to do more and find it VERY easy.

So… if you are ready to own your brand and stand out send me an email. We can set up a complimentary discovery call to assess how best you can move forward and be the leader you were born to be.

"Be yourself - not your idea of what you think somebody else's idea of yourself should be."  

Henry David Thoreau 

Who do you think you are?

What story are you living?

Many of you will be familiar with the BBC programme of the same title, where a celebrity traces part of their family tree to reveal part of their history.

Whilst I admit to ‘stealing’ their title I’m not about to encourage you to do the same. However, I do want you to think about what your story is.

• Are you living your own story or how someone else is telling you should be?
• Do you have one persona at work and another at home?
• Do you feel you are being true to yourself?

If your answer to any of these questions indicates that you are not being yourself 100% who you are, then now is the time to do something about it.

Why? I hear you cry.

As human beings we are very good at picking up when someone is not being genuine. So if you are not ‘being yourself’ you can be sure someone is sensing this.

They may not be able to put their finger on it but they will have a sense that you are not being 100% congruent, 100% YOU, 100% truthful!

This could mean that you are not taken seriously, that people don’t know what they can rely on you for and that they don’t listen to you.

It’s also draining trying to be someone you are not, which could take its toll on your well being.

Whether you like it or not you have a reputation. A brand.

It’s what people say about you when you are not in the room.

The more you progress in your career the clearer you need to be about your brand and what you bring to the team and the organisation and to be able to articulate this clearly.

The question for you to consider is does what people are saying about me align with who I really am?

Is this what I want my reputation to be?

Defining your Brand

If you’re sitting scratching your head and wondering what your brand/reputation is, it’s time to get some feedback.

Start by identifying what you are good at. What are you the ‘go to’ person for?

You may have your own thoughts on this and it’s also useful to hear from others. They will either reinforce your thinking or provide you with some new insights. After all we all have blind spots…

Personal branding is defining what makes you unique so that you stand out from the crowd. Tom Peters first coined this as ‘The brand called YOU’ in 1997.

“Regardless of age, position or the business we happen to be in, all of us need to understand the importance of branding. We are CEO’s of our own companies:Me Inc.”

My approach is about understanding WHO you are from the inside out. Does what people see on the outside reflect what’s going on on the inside?

This means I work with you to understand who you really are:

·       What drives you?

·       What motivates you?

·       What is limiting you?

·       How do you play to your strengths more of the time?

How do you get there?

There are 5 steps to go through:

1.    Identify what you are good at and how you operate which often means gathering some robust feedback

2.    Define your values

3.    Develop your Vision

4.    Develop your Mission

5.    Develop your message so you can clearly articulate the value you provide

Each will take some time and then it’s a process of constant refinement, based on your own self-awareness and feedback.

Feedback and self-awareness are a constant for me in this process. It’s not a one and done process! As I mentioned earlier we all have blind spots those things that we do that we are, quite literally, blind to. We need others to point them out to us. That is why we actually need feedback.

So… if you are ready to stop living someone else’s story and not yet ready to go out and ask for feedback, send me an email. We can set up a complimentary discovery call to assess how best you can move forward and live the life you want to live and define your uniqueness.

“Do something today that your future self will thank you for."

 Author Unknown

Stuck in a Rut?

Are you and your team stuck in a rut?

As a team leader you may be blind to the fact that you a sliding down a slippery path that will adversely impact your results because your team is ‘stuck’ in some way.

Because you are in amongst ‘the soup’ – the daily activities and energy of your team and work life you may not easily spot some of the clues, so here are some tips on what to look out for.

Hopefully they will help you spot the ‘rot’ and take action before it’s too late.

Lack of Energy

You may notice a lack of enthusiasm or lethargy a in the team or in certain individuals; or hear phrases like:

• ‘There’s nothing anyone can do… ‘
• ‘What a waste of time…’
• ‘Is it really worth it’

Energy is contagious. If you allow this to continue it will very soon be the overriding energy and mood of the team and not the most productive energy to deliver results!!

Cynicism

Cynicism and mistrust may be harder to spot. It could be you that isn’t trusted and therefore not so visible.

Look at how team meetings are working. Is the agenda is more important than the outcome?  Is it all show and tell for the boss? Are there unconstructive and one-sided discussions without candour – nobody wants to talk about what is really going on?

Another tell tale sign could be an apathy in the way challenges or obstacles are viewed in that they are owned by one individual rather than a team approach:

‘I knew this teamwork stuff was a load of @*@*’

Blame

You can pick this up by the comments people make either in meetings or in corridor chats and can come across as a lack of personal responsibility… it’s always someone else’s fault or, down to someone else to take action. 

Phrases or behaviour you may hear or see are:

•  ‘We have no clue as to what this is about…’
• Meetings in which interpersonal attacks made behind peoples backs and to outsiders – ‘x has never pulled his own weight and never will’
• A sense of helplessness and lots of finger pointing at top management and/or the rest of the organisation – ‘if this effort is so important why don’t they give us more resources.’
• ‘We can’t make this happen on our own and no-one else is interested’ 

Possible solutions to becoming unstuck

It’s never too late to do something about a ‘stuck team’, although the longer you leave it the more challenging it may be to reverse the trend.

Here are some things you can do:

1. Revisit the basics. Is each team member clear about the purpose, vision, goals and ground rules for the team?
2. If there is a lot to be achieved over a long time frame go for small wins – one step at a time. Help everyone recognise how far they have come rather than how much is left to do!
3. Inject new information relevant to the work they are doing e.g. feedback from other teams on the work they are doing, benchmarks to show how much progress has been made or, to inspire a new level of thinking and action case studies and best practices.
4. Change the leadership or team membership. Sometimes you have to change the people in the team to create the energy you need to move forward.
5. Invest time and energy yourself and hire a facilitator/coach who can help with different approaches. This way you can be part of the team and solution. It can be hard as a leader to try and facilitate the team and be part of it.

What ideas do you have?

Have you ever been in a stuck/underperforming team?

What worked for you?

I’d love to hear about your ideas and experiences, simply leave a message below.

“Teams do not go physically flat, they go mentally stale.”

Vincent Lombardi