Overwhelm – What is your capacity?

How often do you feel you are being inundated with ‘stuff’?

How often do you feel you are drowning?

How often are you faced with something that causes a strong emotional effect on you?

These are all moments of overwhelm and the question is not how do you stop them happening but how do you build your capacity to handle them effectively. So take a moment to assess your current level of capacity. What happens to you mentally, physically and emotionally when you are overwhelmed?

If these situations happen everyday then you have a great opportunity to start today to build your capacity. If they don’t happen that often then you have a very well developed capacity or, maybe you are coasting.

It happens to us all at different stages in our life. It may be caused by a new promotion, an increase in responsibility, taking on a new project or committing to something you haven’t done before. When you are faced with it how do you respond? My guess is it’s more of an Oh *@*@! Moment than a WOW this is fabulous! Moment.

Choice

We always have choice. Doing nothing is a choice we make, whether consciously or unconsciously, and often doing nothing is an unconscious choice we make. Until of course we realise it……

Which of these do you do when overwhelmed?

1.    Retreat: This may be you backing off and relinquishing your responsibility, handing it over to someone else. It may involve you not facing reality, in the hope that it will go away. Often this results in the situation just getting ‘bigger’. This may be real or perceived and the resultant situation is one of stress and may involve you working harder and/or longer.

2.    Invest: You decide that the only way to overcome this is to learn more about it – it being the topic you are faced with. It may be that you invest in resource, someone who knows how to deal with this or simply ‘throw bodies at it’. After all there is safety in numbers! You may decide to reorganise the work or streamline things or re prioritise what needs to be done.

3.    Reflect: This is often the most difficult thing to do, to consciously step back from the situation and ask yourself some searching questions:

a.    How did I/we get here?

b.    Does this support my/our longer-term goals?

c.     Is this an invitation for me to personally grow? How do I build my capacity in these situations?

d.    How can I lead this differently?

Opportunities for growth

These situations are always opportunities for personal growth and I know my own initial reaction is – I don’t know anything about this!!!! However, I also know when I stop and reflect I begin to recognise what I do know. I then begin to notice what I can do in the situation and where the real opportunities may be for me to learn, practice and grow.

So where are your opportunities for growth?

“ Play for more than you can afford to lose, and you’ll learn the game.”

Winston Churchill

You are what you practice. What are you practicing??

How many of you have been on a training course or leadership programme and walked away with lots of new ‘stuff’ to put into practice?

How many of you actually then follow through with this?

In my experience many people go back into the workplace with good intentions and for many reasons these good intentions fall by the wayside.

I have been coaching now for over 11 years professionally and one of the many things I have learned is that you can’t bring about new ways of being with out practice. In fact we are all practicing things everyday – we are what we practice; how we walk into the office, how we answer our phone, how we take our coffee, how we read emails, how we organise our work. These are all practices we do largely unconsciously.

So, as a leader what are you practicing day in day out?

Do these practices support your own goals and ambitions?

Are there new things you need to practice to develop some different behaviours or to take new actions?

Hardwiring

Many of the things we do are unconscious and have been hardwired in our brains and our body through repetition over x number of years. They are therefore automatic.

Consider the first time you learned to ride a bike vs. now (assuming you learned to ride a bike). It may have been years since you last rode a bike and if you were to get on one now you probably wouldn’t have to think about it much.

From a leadership perspective what practices do you need to be more conscious of to best support your goals? This may be looking at what you are already good at and taking it to the next level. It may be a behaviour that you know currently gets in the way; such as becoming irritated when you are interrupted.

it may be something new that you need to start doing and haven’t done before such as lead a strategic change programme.

Whatever it is you decide to practice you are building a new ‘habit’ that requires new wiring, so it will take time.

Starting a Practice

I’ve put together some simple steps for you to follow to develop your own practices that I hope you find useful:

1.    Focus on one thing: Consider just one thing that you want to adapt. This may simply be stopping something you say or do, changing your internal dialogue, focussing on how you breath, giving yourself 5 minutes at the start of everyday to be clear on your priorities.

2.    Bite size chunks: Whatever you choose make it manageable. What will be enough to take you out of your comfort zone and not stress you out. What exactly are you going to adapt?

3.    Practice: Determine how often you are going to practice. What you choose will depend on your given ‘topic’ so it may be something you do several times a day for example: slowing down the speed at which you speak; or once a day - giving yourself 5 minutes at the start of every day to set very clear priorities for the day. Whatever you do COMMIT and be comfortable with taking imperfect action. After all this is a learning process.

4.    Reflect: After each practice reflect. how is it going/ What was easy? What was less easy? What was the outcome? Is the outcome what you wanted?

5.    Adjust: What if anything do you need to adapt? What will help you get a better result? Do you need to change the frequency of your practice? What can you do to make it a new ‘habit’?

6.    Celebrate: Acknowledge the progress you have made. If you forget to practice be kind to yourself. Your aiming to do something you haven’t done before so take it one step at a time.

Continuous Improvement 

The whole idea of practice is that you become the best version of you that you are and go on to achieve your aspirations. My advice is always to practice when you don’t need it. All the best performers be they athletes, musicians, dancers, actors, practice outside of the ‘main event’ so they can be at there best when they need to.

By engaging in regular practices yourself you will continue to make improvements and be the best that you can be.

"I’ve always considered myself to be just average talent and what I have is a ridiculous insane obsessiveness for practice and preparation."

Will Smith

What are you putting off? How ready are you to take action?

What if anything are you putting off doing?

It may be at work or at home. As I write this I have identified at least 2 things. I could come up with a longer (wish) list and I have refocused on what am I not doing that I know I need to do that will help me achieve my goals this year. 

So what is it for you?

What pattern, of avoidance, are you repeating?

Fear

Often, when we stop and think, the thing that holds us back and stops us taking action is FEAR! 

It may be a fear of failure, fear of looking stupid, fear of success, fear of being visible, fear of being rejected………..… and the list goes on. This fear is often disguised by some very good reasons we make up to justify our inaction – better know as excuses. 

It may result in what I call displacement activity, something that is easy to do such as searching the Internet, doing the washing, calling a friend, going for a coffee………. And deep down you know you are avoiding doing the thing you keep promising you’ll do. What excuses do you find you use?

One step at a time

Change happens one step at a time, one day at a time. We can often fall into being a perfectionist and wanting to know/learn how to do something perfectly before actually doing it. Yet that’s not how we learn to drive a car, or ride a bike.

Admittedly you have an instructor next to you when you are learning to drive and you are put in the driving seat from day one, moment one. When you learn to swim you are put straight into the water and then given instruction and when you learn to cook you are put into a kitchen with ingredients. We take action and it’s often far from perfect! Yet we learn. We overcome our fear and learn from our mistakes.

Mistakes are a gift

In business I find many people are afraid of making mistakes and yet it is by making mistakes we learn. Ideally we want to make them in a safe environment where we have the support around to help us move forward, and sometimes it doesn’t work out that way – believe me I know. I’ve had a few ‘disasters’ – aka great learning experiences!!

So, what action do you need to take to move forward on your goals? Be courageous and be ready to take imperfect action and then ask yourself:

·       What result did I get? Is this what I wanted?

·       What worked? What did I do well?

·       What didn’t work?

·       What do I need to do instead? What can I do differently?

And have another go…………. And repeat. None of us are perfect, sorry to break that to you in a rather unsubtle way, but we are not. We are all unique. We all have our own learning to undertake and it’s continuous!!

Where you do have the opportunity to practice in a safe environment? Do it and ask the same questions above. Who can you rely on to give you honest feedback?

What do you want feedback on? What are your goals? Share this with them, it will help them give feedback.

Learning and achieving our ambitions or aspirations takes courage and the way to see/hear/ get a sense of how you are doing is to get feedback.

Be prepared to take imperfect action and learn! Be prepared to get feedback even though you know what you have done is not perfect.

No situation is perfect and therefore no action is perfect.

"One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again."

Abraham Maslow

What does your Environment say about YOU?

As leaders and managers we are required to create an environment that engages those who work with us, but what does that look like?

Our environment says a lot about who we are and if our environment does not engage us as managers and leaders what chance does it have of engaging others’? Our teams, our followers, watch our every move and will notice when we are not engaged so, at the very least, our environment should engage us fully.

My intention in this article is simply to raise your awareness and if you choose to take action, then that is an added bonus.

The environment we live in is often overlooked and taken for granted and yet it has a significant impact on us and how we are.

I have decided to take a slightly broader look at environment in the hope that it will encourage you to look at your own and identify what works, what doesn’t and, what you can to get the results you want, which will hopefully create one which engages your team.

What makes up your environment?

The obvious things to think about and where most people start, is the physical ‘stuff’, your desk, your office, your car etc. However, your environment goes beyond this. All of the following are elements for you to consider:

·       Relationships

·       Network

·       You – physically, emotionally and mentally

Your environment is a reflection of who you are and therefore anything and everything in your environment has an impact on you.

So, if you are not getting the results that you want one approach is to look at your environment and figure out what isn’t working, what does not fit with your aspirations. Anything that is draining your energy or having you ‘power through’ things to get things done is not having you operate at your most effective. Put another way; things, people, places and ideas all have an energy that impacts on you.

Things – what physical things are having a negative impact. This may simply be the way your desk is organised, your filing system (both physically and on your computer), the way you have your computer set up or other technology and how you are using your time.

People – What relationships are working and which are not? What can you do to improve these? Are you utilising your network effectively to get the results you want? Do you need to develop your network further? Who is supporting you? Who is not supporting you, or draining you? You may need to let these people go.

Places – This can be where your office space is located, where you work, where you live, where you spend your free time. Which energise you? Which drain you? Which ones help you be you? What can you change? What can you adapt?

Ideas – This area is about you. What’s going on in your head? Are you limiting yourself? What assumptions are you making about you and others? Are these helpful? What internal dialogue do you need to change to be more positive? What music do you listen to? What TV programmes do you watch? What do you eat?

Most people I know look externally when in fact by looking internally you can have a bigger impact. I know one person who conducted a review and discovered that changing the music they were listening to on the way to wprk significantly changed their mood when at work!!

What are you tolerating? What is draining your energy? Start with one thing – it may mean creating a new habit and it may impact on other areas. Wherever you choose to start, be committed and if you can’t be, maybe you need to start somewhere else – the place that’s stopping you from taking action. Don’t’ worry if the action is imperfect. Any action is better than no action at all!

 

"Out with everything you don't need - the junk, clutter, hang-ups and hurts - and in with the fresh, fantastic, unencumbered life you've always wanted."

Oprah 

Dragon Slaying

My last blog topic was transition and I said that letting go was the most difficult step for most people to take. I often get asked why this is, or how we can make it easier. There is no easy answer to this as we are all unique. Given that, I thought I’d give you some areas on which to reflect and explore for yourself so you can see what might work for you in your quest

Our Habits

As human beings we all have habits, practices, ways of doing things that are comfortable to us, and many are unconscious. Therefore, when it comes to doing something different we have to change something we have been comfortable with and done with ease for some time. This may be a way of thinking as well as a way of acting.

We are programmed to manage change within acceptable boundaries, which is how are able to adapt to many situations. However, when we step out of this ‘comfort zone’ we very quickly revert back to our known state of equilibrium - homeostasis. We hang on to the old to stay safe.

Doing something new, or thinking in a new way takes effort or conscious thought and will be slower than how we normally operate. So, to expand our comfort zone and create new ‘habits’ we need to be prepared to practice the new imperfectly and let go of the old

How to slay your dragons

All hero’s have to ‘slay the dragon’ and in today’s world these dragons tend to be our own fears. Fears of success, failure, looking stupid, or standing out from the crowd, to name but a few. So ‘letting go’ is often about facing our fears and the door to growth, being better, being stronger.

An approach is to decide what no longer serves you and take action. Think of it as work in your garden; where is the dead wood that needs pruning for new growth to emerge? What no longer serves you could be beliefs, possessions, people, systems or processes; so what do you need to lose/say goodbye to, to allow something new to emerge? 

Being your own Hero

Having decided what this is you can be your own hero and experiment in applying these practices to master letting go.

1.    Courage - to move forward, to even dare to face uncertainty. Not knowing what may confront you takes courage; and may be a fear in its own right!! Simply committing to something means you let go of other options, so committing to moving – in any direction, means you let go of maintaining the status quo or going backwards.

2.    Humility – to be prepared to be humble and be vulnerable and give up some of your ego. To be prepared to learn form those around you and your own personal experience. Be prepared to be imperfect and adjust as you move forward, recognising the path may not be linear and there may be several twists and turns before you reach your destination.

3.    Discipline – to commit to what you have agreed. This may be as simple as staying focussed on where you’re heading, or saying no to any temptations to revert back to how things were. It may be practicing new things e.g. if you want to get fit you will normally take on some form of exercise. Be clear about how often you are going to practice is it once a week, several times a week, every day or several times a day. Notice the results your getting and whether they are taking you towards your goal. If they are not, what do you need to adjust to get the results you want? Be prepared for setbacks

The thing to remember in all of this is to approach it one step at a time, one day at a time. No sustainable change happens overnight and having the right support around will help, particularly in those moments when you’re feeling vulnerable or giving up.

 "You gain strength, courage, and confidence with every experience in which you look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot."

Eleanor Roosevelt

Managing Transitions

We are all faced with change in our lives and sometimes these changes such as; redundancy, relationship break ups, death are not of our own making. However, changes, or transitions, are a fact of life and often unexpected. We cope, if we are really lucky we do more than that and navigate ourselves, and our environment, through these transitions very well.

I have used the term transition rather than change as these situations often involves moving from a place, role, state to another which is different in some way. It also involves a psychological reorientation within each of us as we react to what is going on externally.

• What if we were in a place where we could manage these changes more knowingly? 
• What if we could navigate them with a sense of ease and less anxiety? 
• What if we felt we were more in control? 

We are all different with our own traits and experiences to build on and whilst I don’t have a magic pill to help you all, what I aim to do is lay out some basic steps for you to play with and hopefully enable you to begin to master these transitions.

For me, there are three key stages to go through and any one of these can be the starting point:

   Your Vision/Goal

What is it you want? Where are you heading? Being really clear about where you are going can give you that sense of direction to begin to navigate through any transition and that you are in control. You can only be in control if it’s something you want and not what someone else thinks you should have. This is an important point as we often go through life striving for something we think we ought to have because x (Father, Mother, Partner, Boss) said so.

The other important element here is; is it worth going for? Is it compelling enough for you? Are you motivated by it? If you’re not it’s either not something you want or you haven’t been ambitious enough around what you really want.

   Letting Go

This is where I think most people struggle. In transition there is always something you need to let go of. In relationships this is often another person, in redundancy this is often the role and or status and in organisational change it may be your team, your boss, responsibilities to name just a few. In all of these there will also be some form of emotion(s) to also let go of and this is often the toughest thing to process.

What most people do is look for the new thing that will replace what we are losing first, whatever that may be. However the real trick is to let go first. Think of a trapeze artist flying through the air, they have to let go of the 1^st trapeze to be able to grab the 2^nd they cannot hold onto both. This is what is really scary as we don’t always know what that new thing is; so what we have to become really good at is not knowing.  Being ‘in the gap’ with nothing to hold on to and no hints of choices or possibilities can be disorientating and likely to cause worry, doubt and anxiety. Yet the thing to do is relax, be patient, believe in yourself and be open and available to what comes your way.

   Dealing with Challenges

In any transition there are always challenges. These might be internal challenges for you e.g. how to manage your own emotions, dealing with overwhelm of too many choices or ideas; or external challenges such as other peoples emotions or financial challenges. Sometimes it’s a challenge that initiates the transition. In handling challenges it’s useful to assess how you personally deal with challenges. Do you resist them or do you respond to them? 

If you tend to resist which of the following do you do; do you freeze and become immobile not quite knowing what to do or which way to go? Do you fight the challenge, hitting it head on to get it out of the way and expand a lot of energy in the process? Or, do you run away from it or avoid it in the hope that it will go away? None of these are resourceful approaches as you are not actually facing the challenge in a way that ensures it’s resolved. A useful approach is to get curious about what you can learn about yourself in the process of responding to the challenge. In evitably this learning will help you move forward and become better equipped in dealing with future similar situations. This may sound simple but it isn’t always easy as challenges often require us to face some of our fears and requires courage and a degree of objectivity about your own capability and the challenge itself.

As I stated earlier, any of these stages can be the starting point and the only thing you can control is yourself. So, become a master at leading yourself, not just in transitions but everyday. The more you practice the better you’ll become at managing these transitions.

If you haven’t yet got a vision for you life and what you want then now may be a good time to do that, so that when you are faced with a challenge or transition you can be clearer about some of the choices you can make to achieve it.

"It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have

come to our real work, and then we no longer know which way to

go, we have begun our real journey."

 Wendell Berry