My last blog topic was transition and I said that letting go
was the most difficult step for most people to take. I often get asked why this
is, or how we can make it easier. There is no easy answer to this as we are all
unique. Given that, I thought I’d give you some areas on which to reflect and
explore for yourself so you can see what might work for you in your quest
Our Habits
As human beings we all have habits, practices, ways of doing
things that are comfortable to us, and many are unconscious. Therefore, when it
comes to doing something different we have to change something we have been
comfortable with and done with ease for some time. This may be a way of
thinking as well as a way of acting.
We are programmed to manage change within acceptable
boundaries, which is how are able to adapt to many situations. However, when we
step out of this ‘comfort zone’ we very quickly revert back to our known state
of equilibrium - homeostasis. We hang on to the old to stay safe.
Doing something new, or thinking in a new way takes effort
or conscious thought and will be slower than how we normally operate. So, to
expand our comfort zone and create new ‘habits’ we need to be prepared to
practice the new imperfectly and let go of the old
How to slay your
dragons
All hero’s have to ‘slay the dragon’ and in today’s world
these dragons tend to be our own fears. Fears of success, failure, looking
stupid, or standing out from the crowd, to name but a few. So ‘letting go’ is
often about facing our fears and the door to growth, being better, being
stronger.
An approach is to decide what no longer serves you and take
action. Think of it as work in your garden; where is the dead wood that needs
pruning for new growth to emerge? What no longer serves you could be beliefs,
possessions, people, systems or processes; so what do you need to lose/say
goodbye to, to allow something new to emerge?
Being your own Hero
Having decided what this is you can be your own hero and
experiment in applying these practices to master letting go.
1.
Courage
- to move forward, to even dare to face uncertainty. Not knowing what may
confront you takes courage; and may be a fear in its own right!! Simply
committing to something means you let go of other options, so committing to moving
– in any direction, means you let go of maintaining the status quo or going
backwards.
2.
Humility
– to be prepared to be humble and be vulnerable and give up some of your ego.
To be prepared to learn form those around you and your own personal experience.
Be prepared to be imperfect and adjust as you move forward, recognising the
path may not be linear and there may be several twists and turns before you
reach your destination.
3.
Discipline
– to commit to what you have agreed. This may be as simple as staying focussed
on where you’re heading, or saying no to any temptations to revert back to how
things were. It may be practicing new things e.g. if you want to get fit you
will normally take on some form of exercise. Be clear about how often you are
going to practice is it once a week, several times a week, every day or several
times a day. Notice the results your getting and whether they are taking you
towards your goal. If they are not, what do you need to adjust to get the
results you want? Be prepared for setbacks
The thing to remember in all of this is to approach it one step at a time, one day at a time.
No sustainable change happens overnight and having the right support around
will help, particularly in those moments when you’re feeling vulnerable or
giving up.
Eleanor Roosevelt
